


And if they taste the same, would you love again?

by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angry Sex, Biting, Erections, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, HOT SMUT, Hickeys, M/M, Oral Sex, bring on 14/11/16, canon gay charachter, cant come quick enough, first time sexual encounter, graphic description of nudity, gratioutous imagination, happy birthday A!, how do we survive another week, i made it all up, nothing like this happened in the actual tv series, nuzzling, skam hiatus sucks, total fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 05:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8519710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaSoames/pseuds/MermaidsandMermen
Summary: It’s like we are running our own private marathon yet we are lying there absolutely still apart from the breathing and my sobs that I just cant control. Because how can he not want this? How can he not feel whatever cosmic shit is happening when were together? I am so angry at him, I am so scared, and I haven’t got a fucking clue where we go from here, apart from that at this moment in time I don’t care. I just need him. I need him to tell me its alright, that he is mine, and that it was all a fucking mistake. But he doesn’t. Instead he just kisses me. And it’s fucking breathtaking.





	1. I was stumbling, looking in the dark (ohho) With an empty heart.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maggie_Tulliver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maggie_Tulliver/gifts).



> Apologies for not having seen season 1 and 2, so excuse any unintentional mistakes and canon compliance issues.  
> Smut starts at chapter 3, you have been warned. 
> 
> Find my New SKAM fic here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8682547/chapters/19904233
> 
> Titles from Duran Duran's Do you believe in Shame and One DIrection's Home
> 
> For A. Happy Birthday darling!

10.45  
I don’t really want to wake up. It’s not like I have forgotten how shit my life is. How fucked I am. I am trying to lie really really still, trying not to move a single muscle. If I just lie here absolutely still I might just disappear. I wonder if you can will your whole self just to erase. 

It’s not like anyone will actually miss me if I disappear, I can’t actually think of a single person that might like me right now. I think I have actually pissed the whole world off. The world and it's gods. And the whole karma shit thing. How on earth did my life become this fucked up.  
I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t wake up last week and decide that I was going to set my life off on a complete self-destruct whirlwind of chaos, I still don’t get it, how I have ended up in this mess. 

I don’t want to check my phone either, but I still do, without even thinking of the shit storm that will no doubt hit me. I am just a sucker for punishment I suppose, might as well hit me in the face whilst I am lying down. I am dying anyway. Disappearing at least. Not that I have anywhere to go, I will just have to hide out here until I fade away from starvation and humiliation. Can you see the headlines? ‘’Norweigian male found dead in flat after flatmates complain of the smell of decomposing flesh’’. Well they would make it sound more newsworthy if they added, after being outed to the world and losing his first ever boyfriend after less than a week. 

Boyfriend. Even had said we were together hadn’t he? Or have I misunderstood the whole thing? Was he just messing with me, taking the piss? Going back home to his mates telling them about the fucked-up kid that was in love with him? A kid that kissed him like his life depended on it, like he would die of lack of sharing oxygen with Even. A kid that feels like he will com-bust if he doesnt’t get to touch Even again. I roll into the foetal position and pull the duvet over my head. The air still smells of Even, I can still feel his weight against me if I close my eyes, I can taste his skin, the way his lips feel against mine, the way his mouth tastes me back, and how my whole body would melt away when his arms pulled me in so hard I couldn’t even breathe.  
I cried enough last night. It doesn’t help though. I clutch my phone and let the tears fall again. 

14.22  
I am officially pathetic. And hungry I think. I am still not getting up. There is nothing to get up to. Nothing to live for.  
I am still clutching the phone when it beeps again. I just pull the duvet back over my head. I wonder how long it takes to starve to death. 

Madhi  
Talk to me dude. Fuck you with all this bullshit. I know something is going on.  
Madhi  
Eva said it’s something about someone kissing your girl. I didn’t kiss anyone dude. If you think I did something you are crazy. I would fucking kill to get to make out with chicks, and you know it. I would tell you if I had any action dickhead!  
Madhi  
I thought you fancied Emma? WHO the fuck is this other chick?  
Madhi  
I didn’t do NOTHING!!  
Madhi (to group)  
WTF happened to Isak? Text me back motherfuckers. 

15.30

So, I am staring at the ceiling again. It has 3 large zig zaggy cracks as usual. 2 of them are branching off into the coving. One is just a pathetic lonely crack on its own. Friendless and lonely in basking in the light that is creeping through the curtains. 

I feel sick. 

I feel like throwing up. Not that I have anything to throw up. I haven’t eaten since lunchtime yesterday. My mouth feels dry like sandpaper and my teeth have fur and shit on them and I am just disgusting. No one would ever stand to be with me. Even is probably in bed with bloody fucking Sonja laughing at me. Laughing and taking the piss. The whole world is laughing at me today. ‘’ Did you hear about Isak? He fancies this year 3 guy and wanted to be with him (Cue massive tinned laughter) He even kissed the guy. Made out with him. Yeah guy has a girlfriend. That year 3 dude is really embarrassed poor guy. Yeah and that Isak guy is pretty pathetic.’’

Jonas (to group)  
The fuck do I know. Isak you need to apologize dude, that was fucked up.  
Magnus  
Don’t text me back. I’m busy.  
Magnus  
BUSY. Like busy.  
Magnus  
Gettin’ sum.  
Madhi  
Fuck off.

16.06

I have gotten vertical. I am standing up. Then flat is quiet so I have snuck out to the kitchen. I don’t think I have any food, but Noora is organized. I will replace her stuff later. Well I will leave her a yogurt in my will. She won’t miss it. Well she will and I will just deny eating it. There is nothing much else. I am wondering if I can eat a raw onion. There is one in the bottom of the fridge. I could eat it like an apple or something. There is cold coffee in the coffeemaker so I pour some sludge in a cup and microwave it. It tastes like shit but whatever. It’s hot. Strong. Makes me feel awake in a strange way. I don’t want to be awake. 

There is movement in the hallway and I hear a key in the door as I move back into my room clutching the yogurt and coffee. I try to close the door without a sound. I don’t want company. I’m not here remember. I am trying to starve myself to death I think as I pathetically stare at the yogurt. I didn’t bring a spoon. Fuck me. I tear off the foil lid and fold it into a little scoop, getting my fingers all messy. I hate licking the lid. It does funny things to my insides. I shiver at the thought. I am spilling everywhere, it’s not pretty. There is yogurt on my leg and my fingers are all sticky. It doesn’t matter. They will find my dead cold body covered in some strawberry flavored low fat dairy product and I don’t. fucking. care.  
I do care that my heart is broken. It sounds like a fucking fairy tale soppy thing to say. Well my heart isn’t broken. It has been ripped out and fucking stomped on and then shoved back in like in a zombie movie. It’s not going to mend. It’s far too broken. I never thought I would find someone that I would feel that feeling about, You know like you see in the movies. The stars and fireworks shit you know. The way your heart stops and you can’t breathe because the other person is there. I never thought it was real. I never felt it with chicks, you know because I know I didn’t fancy them. I have always kind of known I liked boys. I just didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect Even. FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE. I feel even more nauseous now I’ve eaten that yogurt. Its sitting there in my stomach laughing at me too. Mocking me and my pathetic life. I wipe my hands on the duvet and pull it back over my head.

FUCK.MY.PATHETIC.FUCKING.LIFE.

Emma  
Sorry if I was rude yesterday. Still pissed off with you though.  
Madhi (to group)  
For fuck’s sake Isak you wanker.  
Magnus  
DON’T TEXT ME.


	2. But you say you feel the same Could we ever be enough? Baby we could be enough.

I’m angry now. Furious. It is not my fault. I didn’t do shit. I was honest. I was fucking pathetically in love with him. So maybe I was at fault for being naïve and thinking he felt the same. That I wasn’t some kind of pet project for Even to have a laugh about. I thought he liked me. I thought he was honest back. I am so fucking stupid.  
I am not ashamed. I have sent the most pathetic text to Even. Just a simple FUCK YOU.  
Followed up with FUCKING LIAR.  
Mature I know. I have also thrown every fucking piece of clothing I own against the wall. And shouted a lot.  
Eskild knocked on the door earlier and I told him to fuck off too.  
I don’t know how to deal with this shit. I need a joint. I need some drugs. But I can’t face seeing anyone, can’t face having to explain this shit. I would have to tell them. I would have to explain. No doubt they all know anyway. News travels fast. I doubt whoever Even told has kept their mouth shut. I mean Emma knows. Everyone knows.  
I shouldn’t have to explain. I mean I’m just me. I’ve always been me. Fucked up yes, but It’s not like anything has changed because I finally figured shit out. I figured out the stuff in movies is fucking real, that the stars do fucking produce fireworks when you kiss someone that you really like. Someone that makes you feel like you are on top of the world. Like nothing can hurt you. Safe. Like home. Even felt like fucking home. Like I could have stayed with my mouth against his skin and never had to move again, and everything in my life would have been perfect. See I am pathetic again. Well it wasn’t fucking real was it. I pick up my phone again and feel like throwing it against the wall. My life is over anyway. It’s not like I will meet anyone else in this godforsaken shithole. I don ’t want to. I just want to rewind to when I was happy. When Even wasn’t a lying dickhead. When things weren’t shit.  
The phone beeps again and I hurl it across the room. It fucking doesn’t matter.  
Jonas  
You OK? Wanna hang out?  
Jonas  
Madhi is not mad, just text him OK? Fucking drama just end it. 

I’m sick of the bed. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. I’m on the floor instead. Curled up against the wall like a child throwing a tantrum. I’ve chewed off all my nails, biting them as far down as I can until they start to hurt. They look disgusting but I can’t help it, I can’t stop. It’s something to do. It’s getting dark too and I don’t want to turn the lights on. Light makes things real and dark hides things. I’m good at hiding.  
There are voices in the hallway and the door is opening and closing. Normally I would be out in the living room, having coffee and chatting, hanging out. I have home work. I am so not going back to school though. Pathetic. I know. My brain just can’t figure out how I could. How could I be at school with him there? With everyone knowing whatever it is they have been told. I am not about to correct them. What would I say? ‘’Look I was fucking stupid, I fell for a guy who was totally playing me.’’ Would it sound that bad? Yep it would.  
Someone is pushing down the door handle on the door to my room and I shout ‘’OH fuck off Eskild’’ before I can even think. The door opens though and I am just sitting there like a stupid freaking idiot. Because Even is standing in the doorway. And he looks just as wrecked as I feel.  
EVEN  
I’m coming over.

This is the part when I tell Even he is a wanker and tell him to piss of from my life and then I tell him I hate him and that he has ruined my life. Because he fucking has. How can I ever go back to the life before Even? Before I knew how fucking perfect my life could be? And how quickly it had all been smashed to bits. I don’t though. Because I am me and I am pathetic. I just stare at him and start sobbing. Huge embarrassing gut-wrenching sobs that start in my toes and make my chest convulse. I can't help it. Its like animal instinct or some kind of shit, my whole body is doing these ridiculous hiccups. Even is just there though, on his knees in front of me trying to scoop me up. I am hitting him though. I’m not sure what is making me do it but I am pounding at his chest with my fists, calling him a fucking wanker over and over again. And he isn’t even trying to get away, he is just holding onto me. The more I lash out at him, the harder he is trying to get me close. His hands are just in the way of my misplaced fists, landing in thin air as I loose momentum to hit. I just can't do this, I can't cope with the fucking pain of him being here. My arms just give up. There is no strength left in me as I let my body get pulled in against him. We land flat on the floor, with Even’s arms holding me so ridiculously tight up against his chest that I can hardly breathe. My face is pressed in to his jumper, still wet from the rain outside. And he is breathing so fast that it's making me light headed trying to keep up. It’s like we are running our own private marathon yet we are lying there absolutely still apart from the breathing and my sobs that I just can't control. Because how can he not want this? How can he not feel whatever cosmic shit is happening when were together? I am so angry at him, I am so scared, and I haven’t got a fucking clue where we go from here, apart from that at this moment in time I don’t care. I just need him. I need him to tell me its alright, that he is mine, and that it was all a fucking mistake. But he doesn’t. Instead he just kisses me. And it’s fucking breathtaking.


	3. When you're lost, I'll find the way I'll be your light.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some mild smut in this chapter. You have been warned.

Even is tugging at my hoodie trying to get it over my head, which is practically impossible when my lips don’t seem to be able to stop kissing him. He manages to untangle us for a brief second and our teeth clash when he lunges himself back to where I need him to be, kissing me to death.

My plan of action is slightly different. I’m still not leaving this room, but now I intend to kill myself by kissing Even until I can’t breathe anymore. It’s a much better plan than death by starvation. I am trying to get him out of his clothes too, but he is wearing far too many layers and I get his arms tangled up in a mess of hoodies and jumpers and that damn scarf that gets stuck over his head and makes us both laugh. Not that I want to laugh, I am still so fucking angry with him. I just can’t think about it now, because he is here and he is mine for a little while and I am not letting him go until my heart feels ready. And I am not ready for him to go. I am not ready to let him. 

He yanks my t-shirt off so fast that my chin bounces against his forehead, and then we are both topless and skin to skin and I feel like I am about to combust into flames. He is warm and soft and his lips are trailing down my neck, pressing soft kisses along the way making me bury my face in his hair, breathing in the scent of him, letting my lungs fill up with all things Even. He is lifting me up, his arms snaking around my back and throwing me back down on the mattress, letting himself crawl up astride me reaching over my head. The light from the bedside lamp blinds me and I bring my arm up to cover my eyes. 

‘’I need to see you’’ He whispers. ‘’You are so fucking beautiful like this’’  
His fingers are trailing down my chest, following the hollow lines on my stomach. And he looks at me with that look, the one that makes me weak in the knees, the look that always makes me look away. It’s too intense, too strong, like he is looking right through me straight into my heart, and if I let him look long enough he will unravel all my secrets and I will never be the same again. Well I will never be the same as I was B.E. Like in Before Even.

If I thought my brain was betraying me, well my dick definitely did not get the memo. My dick is bouncing in my joggers, tapping against Even’s leg like a lovesick puppy, and he smiles at me with that all-knowing smile that he knows exactly what I am up to. It makes me all embarrassed again and I cover my face with my arm. Even doesn’t let me get away with it though, he is right there kissing my arms away, planting soft kisses on my eyelids, on my cheeks and letting his tongue paint soft lines over my lips before diving in and devouring my mouth. He tastes of him, a hint of toothpaste, and tobacco, and rain and happiness all swirled into one, and he is moving in little circles over me, grinding his hips gently over mine, just enough to make the fabric of my joggers caress my aching cock that is now fully erect and staining uncomfortably. Even fucking knows what he is doing, and I can hear myself groaning, however embarrassing it may be, I can’t stop myself. I am arching my back up against him, rutting and grinding desperately against his jeans, and he is panting against my mouth trying to say something that never quite comes out. 

It’s not that I don’t know what I am doing. I have made myself feel awesomely good emough times and I can make myself come in less than 2 minutes if my mind is set on it. I know how I can make Even feel good. And I need to distract myself otherwise I am just going to grind against him and kiss him until I make a mess in my pants. I want more than that. I want to taste him, to feel him, to make him scream. I need that. I need to make him mine, to make him remember why he is here. Which is why I start to pull at his jeans, popping the buttons and grabbing at his waistline with such force that I can feel him hiss as I scratch his skin. I am latching my mouth onto his collarbone, sucking his skin in between my teeth, nipping and biting and leaving my mark. I want him to wake up tomorrow and feel me, I want him to remember that he is mine. 

He is making little noises now, obscene ones, whimpering and trying to find his way back to my mouth. I am not done with him yet though. His jeans are halfway down his thighs, but that’s not enough. I flip him off me and roll on top of him, letting my hands tug on his jeans. He is kicking and trying to help get himself free, and I pull down his boxers with one foul sweep, not even stopping to look. I bury my face in his groin, letting myself take in the smell of him, the warmth of the hair against my face as nuzzle into him. I kiss his skin along the inside of his leg. I let my tongue make wet trails over his balls which make him yelp, and I suck on the wrinkled skin beneath his cock.

‘’Isak fucking hell’’ he whispers, and I look up to meet his eyes. He suddenly looks so young. Not like the strong calm confident man he usually is, he looks vulnerable and soft and his hand comes up to caress my face. ‘’You are so sexy like that, so beautiful’’ he continues, his eyes never leaving mine, and I just smile and turn my face so I can kiss his hand. 

He has the most perfect cock, but I wouldn’t have expected anything less. It’s long and thick, and ridiculously hard. The veins are bulging against the shaft and the tip is wet with beads of moisture that I can’t help but reach out my tongue and lick. He tastes fucking perfect, salty and sweet, and I let my tongue swirls little circles around his slit making Even jerk up against me and let his fingers grab fistfuls of my hair. I’ve never blown anyone before, and it’s not pretty or perfect like you see in porn. Its sloppy and wet and I am gagging slightly when I take him too deep, but its intimate and sexy and I am ridiculously humping against his leg as I am sucking and licking and kissing and tasting and letting my hand move up and along with my mouth as Even is spurting out an ever-louder verse of moans and words that I can’t even make any sense of. 

‘’Come up here babe’’ he whimpers and pulls at my hair, ‘’I need to feel you too, want to make you feel good too’’  
I stop for a second remembering that I smell foul and sweaty but Even is all over me pushing me back down on the mattress tugging my sweats down and freeing my cock with his hand. He is kissing me and letting his leg hook over mine whilst his fingers caress the length of me. I can’t even think straight when he does that, it goes straight to my cock. Who knew that fingers could be so erotic? Who knew that the lightest feathery touch of a hand could make me arch my whole body up against the beautiful man that is kissing me? I am so fucking gone, I don’t know how I am ever going to survive when he is no longer here with me, when I wake up and think about it all. He lets his nose caress mine, and then he looks at me again and I just melt away, trying to get my lips back onto his. There is that cheeky smile again and he leans across and spits into his hand. Then he gives me a quick peck on the nose and reaches down to line us both up so he can grab both our dicks together. He starts slow, spreading the saliva over the heads to get moisture, and I bring my hand down to join his, needing to feel him move over us both. Our fingers are twining together as we slowly jerk our straining cocks off, the movement growing faster and stronger as our mouths meet again. His tongue is so far down my throat that I am almost choking on it, and I am making these jerking crazy noises in-between trying to kiss the life out of him. I am close, I am so fucking close, and his fingers are making these talented little swirls over my slit every time our hands change directions, and then he is panting and shouting ‘’Isak, Isak, oh, yes Isak, Oh Fuck’’ and he is coming, shooting warm jizz over my fingers and I just fall over the edge into the warmth of coming, the dark fuzzy space where nothing else is important, and Even is drooling into my mouth still moaning and cursing and breathing my name, and for a minute I think that I might just have forgiven him for everything and anything.


	4. You'll never feel like you're alone  I'll make this feel like home.

‘’I need to shower’’ I say. I can’t quite look at him. The magic has worn off and I have hit reality with a bang. I stink. The whole room smells of sex and sweat and stale air. My hands are covered in our come, which is cold and sticky against my skin making my fingers stick together with the cotton sheet under my hand. Its gross.  
‘’I can’t believe we did that’’ he says and rolls over towards me, letting his fingers trail a line over my chest, coming to rest over my nipple. They are soft and puffy, but one caress of his fingers and I feel like I am on fire. Yeah my nipples are bitches, betraying me like that.  
‘’Have you ever done that before? I mean with a guy?’’ I say to the ceiling.  
‘’Nope. Just you’’ he replies. I can hear that he is smiling. He’s got that tone to his voice when he smiles. It does funny things to my stomach again. I can’t believe he is doing all these things to my body. I used to be so in control. I could control shit. I can’t when I’m with Even, it’s like he is using my body like a puppet with his freaky mind controlling abilities.  
‘’Can I come and shower with you?’’ he says, letting his fingers pinch my nipple.  
I swat his hand away with a yelp. It fucking hurt, but I immediately want him to do it again. He can do anything again.  
‘’Do you want a bath?’’ I say. ‘’We have one of those big bathtubs, and there’s like smelly bath oils and shit and stuff.  
‘’Shit and stuff, sounds great!’’ He laughs. ‘’Would we fit in there together?’’ He is leaning up over me, and I pull him down to kiss me again. I can’t stop kissing him. I just want him to kiss me forever. And ever. And then some.

I push him off me and sit up. Fuck me I stink. I can smell it.  
I pull on my boxers and hobble around the mattress, almost tripping over the clothes on the floor. He is smiling at me splayed out on the mattress like a starfish, his cock hanging limp and spent against his leg. He is gorgeous. I have to stop and take it all in and breathe for a second.  
Then he fucking winks at me. Fucking winks. And I feel like throwing stuff at him, that’s how gorgeous he is. I do remember he is a shit though, a lying cheating shit. I am going to have to talk to him too.  
He can tell the shift in me, I know. His face drops and I can see the sadness cloud his eyes. He knows I know. He fucking knows.  
So I walk out and close the door behind me. 

The bathroom is empty thank God, and the flat is quiet. I hope nobody is in. I hope nobody heard me scream and moan as I came earlier. I blush a little remembering that Even did that. That he saw me come. Heard me moan as I spilled a load all over him. That he is lying in my bed with our come all over him. I have some stuck on my stomach, dry and glistening in the fluorescent light. It strangely makes me feel proud. Like I want to keep it there like some fucked up souvenir. I did that. We did that. Together.  
The bath is running and I pour some of Noora’s stupidly silly English bath oil in the water. Neil’sYard. I say it out loud. Sounds very Gay to me. It smells like some posh spa. Not that I have been to any posh spa’s. But I there is an old swimming pool in town that smells like that when you walk past the doors. Soft and sweet and clean and a little heady.  
I quickly try to clean myself up in the sink. Soaping my armpits and my neck, cleaning the sweat of my groin. I splash some water on my face, and let my fingers trail the acne on my chin. It’s not too bad.  
Then he is just there, he must have stealth skills because I didn’t hear him open the door. His chin comes to rest on my shoulder and his arms are around my chest, holding me. I let my fingers tangle in his, and move my head up and down so I can feel the stubble on his cheek against my skin. His hand is moving over my stomach, making me twitch and gasp. I cant believe he makes me do these things, that he can just touch me and I fall apart. It's kind of embarrassing. My cock likes it too, I have to adjust myself in my boxers so Even wont notice, He smiles at me though. Like I can hide anything from him.  
‘’I was lonely in there without you’’ he says. His eyes are doing the staring thing again, and somehow I stare back. Because I’ve got him. I know that. He may be a lying cheat and a son of a bitch, but I fucking know that I have got him. It’s not just me that feels it, I know what he is like out in the real world. The man leaning against my back is nothing like him. The man pressing soft wet sloppy kisses on my shoulder is another Even, the one that only I get to see. The soft boy with a sad heart, who is a little scared and a little weak, and I feel so fucking privileged that I get to see him. That I get to have him. That I get to love him. Because this is what that is isn’t it? This pain in my chest that I just can’t seem to shift, the ache in my arms and fingers when they can’t feel his skin. The sting in my lips when he kisses me. I never saw that coming. I should have though. I should have known the first time I saw him. 

We don’t really both fit in the bath. He gets in first and I get in the opposite end, our legs hanging over the sides, making our feet look obscenely big. It doesn’t quite work though, and the water is too deep making waves of water hit the floor with alarmingly loud splashes. Whatever. The floor needs a clean. I can mop it up later. It makes us laugh though, the awkwardness of it all. I scoot around bringing my legs in underneath me in the water and let myself lean back against him, so can lie back against his chest. He immediately nuzzles up against me, wrapping his arms around me. This is how I want to live. Warm and safe. Held like this.  
‘’I’ve changed my mind’’ I say. ‘’ I think this is how you should stay with me. Forever. In the bath.’’  
He laughs softly. ‘’I can do that. I’m good with baths’’ He is bringing up handfuls of water and wetting my hair, tangling his fingers through my curls.  
We are quiet again and I pour some shampoo onto his fingers so he can massage it into my hair. His fingers are strong, massaging my scalp in hard thorough movements, only stopping to turn my head slightly so he can kiss me. I laugh into his mouth and slide down so my head falls under the water, and he pushes me under whilst shaking his fingers through my curls to rinse out the shampoo. Then he pulls me back up and finds my lips in another kiss.  
‘’ Just to help you breathe’’ he laughs. ‘’In case you swallowed a drop of water’’  
‘’Idiot’’ I smile back at him.  
‘’Even.’’ I don’t know where the courage comes from but I still say it.  
‘’Can you be honest with me? Can you promise not to lie to me?’’  
He hesitates a moment but doesn’t drop my gaze.  
‘’I promise’’ he says.  
‘’I saw you at Emma’s. I saw you kiss Sonja. I know you lied to me’’  
He closes his eyes. Just for a moment and swallows hard.  
‘’I don’t know what to say that is not going to sound like a fucking cliché.’’  
‘’Then tell me the truth. I need to know what this is. I need to know if we are together or if this is some fucking game you are playing for fun.’’  
His eyes are dark and I can see the anger brewing in him. It scares me, it fucking scares me shitless but I can’t stop looking at him. I need him to see what I see, I need him to feel how good this can be, how right we are when we are together. When we are good.  
‘’I’m just so fucking scared Isak’’ he whispers.  
‘’Of what?’’ I reply like a fool. ‘’I know, I know I’m scared too. I know I get it.’’  
‘’I’m scared of being honest. Of owning up to being me. And I am scared of fucking up. Fucking us up. Because you are the best thing that ever happened to me.’’ He kisses me again. Kisses me like he means it.  
I am so weak. I know I should push him. I should demand answers. But I don’t. I just kiss him back with all that I have got.  
‘’I’ve got you babe’’ I whisper. ‘’I’ve got you.’’  
And I do. I will ask more. I will talk more. I promise myself I will not take any more shit. I will not let him walk all over me. But for now I’ve got him. And that’s enough. 

Madhi  
I give up bro. What the fuck are you up to.  
Jonas ( to group)  
Orphaned. Have to sit here on my own. WTF> Thought you were my friends. (sad emoji) (Beer Emoji)  
Magnus  
Vilde says you are in the closet. Are you at IKEA?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written to the soundtrack of Robbie Williams Heavy Entertainment Show  
> Apologies for the bad language but SKAM brings out the teenage bitch in me. 
> 
> Thank you for all the Kudos and comments. Much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read.
> 
> Happy Birthday A!!!


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